bahlk
2008-11-08 03:27:39
ahhahahha great story my moms good friend is telling me after reading this email, as he smokes me up with some of the headiest weed ive ever seen. ive edited some stuff so he doesnt get in trouble maybe? lol?
its long but worth it hahahaha
enjoy
10/30/08
The Greatest Story Ever
or
It could only happen to Jim or one his friends
I was having lunch with my friend Byron and I was looking at a copy of the local free paper that was on the lunch counter. The Metro always has a page of bizarre studies that you can sign up for and one of the small ads that caught my eye asked if you hated going through security at the airport. Well I do, and it paid $75. So, I called it, got an answering machine, left my number and forgot about it. Ah.. the danger of a cell phone in the hand of a person without impulse control.
About a week later, I got a call from a women named Amy who insisted that we had already spoken and that I was eligible to take part in the study. I finally convince Amy, who spoke in a monotone and seem to be lacking in the sense of humor area, that we had not spoken before. She then called me back to ask if I wanted to be in a study. We talked for awhile, she explained what I would get paid. ($25 an hour if I didn’t complete the study, $75 if I did, with the possibility that I would receive a $100 bonus. I asked her if she was with Al Quida and I think she told me that they were funded by Homeland Security. I got the directions to **EDIT** which is the Martin Research something located at **EDIT**.
At the time I got the instructions they sounded like they were from a spy novel. They started with go through the Marriott and exiting by the back door and ended with the security guard may act like he never heard of us but… As I told my friend Steve, I wanted to go just to see how odd it would get and what the hell I’m not doing anything and $75 is $75. I had gotten fired between when I had answered the ad. and when Amy called me. Me getting fired is another story. Sadly, I didn’t do anything that odd or funny, just expressed my opinion et al. No bigee. I’ll be back to work soon and skiing all winter. I also told my friend that if they put me in a vest and gave me a bomb, I was calling 911.
I arrived at the **EDIT**, which is a large modern building near **EDIT** near MIT at 3PM on Tuesday, Oct. 28th and followed the directions to go into the smaller entrance and ask for the security study. The guard and a guy half sitting on the guards desk directed me across the street to register. That was a secured research center and they didn’t know anything about Martin or a study. I tried calling Martin and got Amy’s voice on an answering machine. When I went back to **EDIT** the guard suggested the bigger front entrance were the guard seem to know about the study, made a call for me and sent me back to the original entrance. The “in the know” guard told me that the other guys “seem to enjoy sending people away”.
This time I was met by Andrea who escorted me to a first floor windowless office that was about the size of a closet. She explained how I would get paid, that the study was funded by Homeland Security, that the were researching ways to screen for people who meant to do harm, and that they were lucky because there was a “Tech Expo” going on in the building and I would be asked to go through the security for the Expo wearing a vest that would monitor heart rate, pulse, etc. Andrea also explained that if I decided at any time to no longer participate, I would have a red card that I could wave and since I was being constantly monitored by TV cameras , I could stop right then. Andrea handed me a five page release form to sign and initial. It seemed pretty standard and she didn’t seem to want to go into it in detail, so I signed thinking if it gets too weird I’ll leave.
It got weird. After an interview about my physical and mental heath which included a breath analyzer, Andrea explained that she was going to fit me with a special vest and after she had calibrated it she would leave and I would get my directions from the file cabinet. I wondered how I could get by any security anywhere with a vest on with wires etc. hanging out of it, but Andrea assured me that it a Tech Demo and they won’t find that weird. So she attached the electrodes and left the room. And what do I find in the top draw of the file cabinet, a trigger device for a bomb.
In the file cabinet, there is a cell phone with a note “Questions *555-555-5555*”, a ticket to a Tech Expo that was held in Maryland last month, a 3X5 card colored with red ink, and a Fed Ex mailer with a letter taped to the mailer. This letter explained that the instructions inside could be verified at a number in New Jersey. The letter had a large logo of the Homeland Security or what appeared to be a logo of Homeland Security because by now I didn’t know what to believe. Inside the envelope was a pipe wrapped in tape about the size of a shotgun shell with wires dangling from it and the top painted in red. The letter told me that I had been chosen to hide the triggering device on my person and smuggle it through security and into the Tech Demo. If I was able to get through security, I would be met by a person who would recognize me. If not and security found me suspicious I may be questioned for from one to three hours and I would be paid $75 and not be eligible for the bonus. Once I met with my contact we would go to an exhibit of a new weapons system, assemble the bomb, I would detonate it, it would make a loud noise, no one would get hurt and some confusion would occur. If I did this I would be eligible for the bonus of $100 or 10,000 virgins if the bomb happened to be real.
As I mentioned, I jokingly told Steve that if they put me in a vest and gave me a bomb, I was going to call 911. So I did. I figured that I would be transferred to **EDIT** Police, who would know all about it or the Martin group people would see and hear me on their monitors and end the study, congratulating me on proving that people won’t blindly follow instructions. Before I called 911, I had tried to call the number on the envelope and hadn’t got Homeland Security. I got an office which transferred me to voice mail. Not reassuring. So 911 it was and it gets weirder.
Cell phone calls to 911 in Mass are handled by the State Police. I had the opportunity to speak with Dispatcher **FARVA** of the Mass State Police. I expressed to me that he had never heard of such a thing and seem concerned that I was in a vest with a triggering device and had been asked to detonate a bomb. Must be part of the training. I explained to him that sometime the instructions said it was a fake bomb and sometimes it just called it a bomb. But he wanted me to stay on line with him while he checked with Washington D.C. No one, Homeland Security, the U. S. Marshall’s office had heard of this study and so Disp. **FARVA** told me to leave the building and he would send a police response immediately. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the vest, (I was a bit nervous) and Disp. **FARVA** told me not to try to get it off, just get outside and wait for the police. As I was leaving the closet/office, I was met by another young lady who indicated that she was with the Martin Group and she thought I was already in the Tech Demo. I explained who I had on the phone and that on his instruction I and the vest were leaving the building. Disp. **FARVA** was able to hear this conversation and continued to instruct me to “not give them anything and get out of the building”. As I walked through the lobby I was told by security that I couldn’t leave with the vest and I could hear Disp. "FARVA" urging on the cars because I was being harassed by security.
Once outside, I was joined by the lobby security, the girl I had met while leaving, and Andrea. They tried to talk me into returning inside. We were joined by a young man with an attitude that identified himself as **Dr.Thunder Pussy** and the man in charge. He tried to intimidate me into giving him my phone, but I could see the lights of the first of many police cruisers coming down the road. Then we had one of those scenes that you can only really enjoy if you are standing in the rain wearing a vest with wires hanging out of it on a street in **EDIT**. Police, lights, Police.. no guns out but every one’s hand on there weapon. Later, one of the officers told me he was seconds away from blocking off the street and pulling out his gun. You have to experience it to get the real fell of terror that comes with it.
Well as it turns out, the nation can rest easy, Dick, all my friends look like pheasants, Chaney is in control. The organization, Homeland Security, that was formed to assure that local, state, and Federal agencies communicate and share info forgot to inform the local and state authorities. **Dr.Thunder Pussy* blamed the oversight on his staff. The head of the **EDIT** Bomb Squad told me he knew the people that Martin was working with and they were legitimate, but he had not been informed. I told my story two or three times to different officers. We had a little debriefing where I was paid $50 for my two hours of terror and told repeatedly that I did nothing wrong. Yeah, thanks a lot.
The next day, I was visited by two gentlemen in plainclothes who identified themselves as Mass. State Police officers. One explained that he was in charge of anti-terrorism in Massachusetts and that he had been on the line at times when I was talking to Disp. **FARVA** . Both of them wrote down everything I said and listened to the message that I received back from a **PARIS HILTON** who responded to my call **555-555-5555** to the number on the Fed Ex package with the detonator inside. Scott wanted to know if I was a CVG/TSA employee. I am thinking that I will wake up tomorrow and remember that I’m not an unemployed hippie who is going skiing, but really a “double naught spy” If I should come up missing it is Dick Chaney in the observatory with the candlestick.
Well, it’s Halloween and I just got an 8AM call from **Dr.Thunder Pussy** . He wanted to know how I was feeling. “I had no idea what was going on”. Now that I have his number **555-555-5555** I might call to offer my services as a research consultant.
lol he was saying it was right out of a scene from a movie, and the whole time all he could think about was the roaches in his pocket cuase he was so blazzed hahahahahahaha
this guy isnt like a homeless vt hippie, hes a chill 50 yr old hippe that does some sort of real estate consultants and drives a sick caddy, so im pretty sure its true ahahhahahah.
its long but worth it hahahaha
enjoy
10/30/08
The Greatest Story Ever
or
It could only happen to Jim or one his friends
I was having lunch with my friend Byron and I was looking at a copy of the local free paper that was on the lunch counter. The Metro always has a page of bizarre studies that you can sign up for and one of the small ads that caught my eye asked if you hated going through security at the airport. Well I do, and it paid $75. So, I called it, got an answering machine, left my number and forgot about it. Ah.. the danger of a cell phone in the hand of a person without impulse control.
About a week later, I got a call from a women named Amy who insisted that we had already spoken and that I was eligible to take part in the study. I finally convince Amy, who spoke in a monotone and seem to be lacking in the sense of humor area, that we had not spoken before. She then called me back to ask if I wanted to be in a study. We talked for awhile, she explained what I would get paid. ($25 an hour if I didn’t complete the study, $75 if I did, with the possibility that I would receive a $100 bonus. I asked her if she was with Al Quida and I think she told me that they were funded by Homeland Security. I got the directions to **EDIT** which is the Martin Research something located at **EDIT**.
At the time I got the instructions they sounded like they were from a spy novel. They started with go through the Marriott and exiting by the back door and ended with the security guard may act like he never heard of us but… As I told my friend Steve, I wanted to go just to see how odd it would get and what the hell I’m not doing anything and $75 is $75. I had gotten fired between when I had answered the ad. and when Amy called me. Me getting fired is another story. Sadly, I didn’t do anything that odd or funny, just expressed my opinion et al. No bigee. I’ll be back to work soon and skiing all winter. I also told my friend that if they put me in a vest and gave me a bomb, I was calling 911.
I arrived at the **EDIT**, which is a large modern building near **EDIT** near MIT at 3PM on Tuesday, Oct. 28th and followed the directions to go into the smaller entrance and ask for the security study. The guard and a guy half sitting on the guards desk directed me across the street to register. That was a secured research center and they didn’t know anything about Martin or a study. I tried calling Martin and got Amy’s voice on an answering machine. When I went back to **EDIT** the guard suggested the bigger front entrance were the guard seem to know about the study, made a call for me and sent me back to the original entrance. The “in the know” guard told me that the other guys “seem to enjoy sending people away”.
This time I was met by Andrea who escorted me to a first floor windowless office that was about the size of a closet. She explained how I would get paid, that the study was funded by Homeland Security, that the were researching ways to screen for people who meant to do harm, and that they were lucky because there was a “Tech Expo” going on in the building and I would be asked to go through the security for the Expo wearing a vest that would monitor heart rate, pulse, etc. Andrea also explained that if I decided at any time to no longer participate, I would have a red card that I could wave and since I was being constantly monitored by TV cameras , I could stop right then. Andrea handed me a five page release form to sign and initial. It seemed pretty standard and she didn’t seem to want to go into it in detail, so I signed thinking if it gets too weird I’ll leave.
It got weird. After an interview about my physical and mental heath which included a breath analyzer, Andrea explained that she was going to fit me with a special vest and after she had calibrated it she would leave and I would get my directions from the file cabinet. I wondered how I could get by any security anywhere with a vest on with wires etc. hanging out of it, but Andrea assured me that it a Tech Demo and they won’t find that weird. So she attached the electrodes and left the room. And what do I find in the top draw of the file cabinet, a trigger device for a bomb.
In the file cabinet, there is a cell phone with a note “Questions *555-555-5555*”, a ticket to a Tech Expo that was held in Maryland last month, a 3X5 card colored with red ink, and a Fed Ex mailer with a letter taped to the mailer. This letter explained that the instructions inside could be verified at a number in New Jersey. The letter had a large logo of the Homeland Security or what appeared to be a logo of Homeland Security because by now I didn’t know what to believe. Inside the envelope was a pipe wrapped in tape about the size of a shotgun shell with wires dangling from it and the top painted in red. The letter told me that I had been chosen to hide the triggering device on my person and smuggle it through security and into the Tech Demo. If I was able to get through security, I would be met by a person who would recognize me. If not and security found me suspicious I may be questioned for from one to three hours and I would be paid $75 and not be eligible for the bonus. Once I met with my contact we would go to an exhibit of a new weapons system, assemble the bomb, I would detonate it, it would make a loud noise, no one would get hurt and some confusion would occur. If I did this I would be eligible for the bonus of $100 or 10,000 virgins if the bomb happened to be real.
As I mentioned, I jokingly told Steve that if they put me in a vest and gave me a bomb, I was going to call 911. So I did. I figured that I would be transferred to **EDIT** Police, who would know all about it or the Martin group people would see and hear me on their monitors and end the study, congratulating me on proving that people won’t blindly follow instructions. Before I called 911, I had tried to call the number on the envelope and hadn’t got Homeland Security. I got an office which transferred me to voice mail. Not reassuring. So 911 it was and it gets weirder.
Cell phone calls to 911 in Mass are handled by the State Police. I had the opportunity to speak with Dispatcher **FARVA** of the Mass State Police. I expressed to me that he had never heard of such a thing and seem concerned that I was in a vest with a triggering device and had been asked to detonate a bomb. Must be part of the training. I explained to him that sometime the instructions said it was a fake bomb and sometimes it just called it a bomb. But he wanted me to stay on line with him while he checked with Washington D.C. No one, Homeland Security, the U. S. Marshall’s office had heard of this study and so Disp. **FARVA** told me to leave the building and he would send a police response immediately. I couldn’t figure out how to get out of the vest, (I was a bit nervous) and Disp. **FARVA** told me not to try to get it off, just get outside and wait for the police. As I was leaving the closet/office, I was met by another young lady who indicated that she was with the Martin Group and she thought I was already in the Tech Demo. I explained who I had on the phone and that on his instruction I and the vest were leaving the building. Disp. **FARVA** was able to hear this conversation and continued to instruct me to “not give them anything and get out of the building”. As I walked through the lobby I was told by security that I couldn’t leave with the vest and I could hear Disp. "FARVA" urging on the cars because I was being harassed by security.
Once outside, I was joined by the lobby security, the girl I had met while leaving, and Andrea. They tried to talk me into returning inside. We were joined by a young man with an attitude that identified himself as **Dr.Thunder Pussy** and the man in charge. He tried to intimidate me into giving him my phone, but I could see the lights of the first of many police cruisers coming down the road. Then we had one of those scenes that you can only really enjoy if you are standing in the rain wearing a vest with wires hanging out of it on a street in **EDIT**. Police, lights, Police.. no guns out but every one’s hand on there weapon. Later, one of the officers told me he was seconds away from blocking off the street and pulling out his gun. You have to experience it to get the real fell of terror that comes with it.
Well as it turns out, the nation can rest easy, Dick, all my friends look like pheasants, Chaney is in control. The organization, Homeland Security, that was formed to assure that local, state, and Federal agencies communicate and share info forgot to inform the local and state authorities. **Dr.Thunder Pussy* blamed the oversight on his staff. The head of the **EDIT** Bomb Squad told me he knew the people that Martin was working with and they were legitimate, but he had not been informed. I told my story two or three times to different officers. We had a little debriefing where I was paid $50 for my two hours of terror and told repeatedly that I did nothing wrong. Yeah, thanks a lot.
The next day, I was visited by two gentlemen in plainclothes who identified themselves as Mass. State Police officers. One explained that he was in charge of anti-terrorism in Massachusetts and that he had been on the line at times when I was talking to Disp. **FARVA** . Both of them wrote down everything I said and listened to the message that I received back from a **PARIS HILTON** who responded to my call **555-555-5555** to the number on the Fed Ex package with the detonator inside. Scott wanted to know if I was a CVG/TSA employee. I am thinking that I will wake up tomorrow and remember that I’m not an unemployed hippie who is going skiing, but really a “double naught spy” If I should come up missing it is Dick Chaney in the observatory with the candlestick.
Well, it’s Halloween and I just got an 8AM call from **Dr.Thunder Pussy** . He wanted to know how I was feeling. “I had no idea what was going on”. Now that I have his number **555-555-5555** I might call to offer my services as a research consultant.
lol he was saying it was right out of a scene from a movie, and the whole time all he could think about was the roaches in his pocket cuase he was so blazzed hahahahahahaha
this guy isnt like a homeless vt hippie, hes a chill 50 yr old hippe that does some sort of real estate consultants and drives a sick caddy, so im pretty sure its true ahahhahahah.